5th January 2014

Today was an awful day. I spent the entire day in bed, had lunch and  dinner in bed, and i didn't have breakfast. The pain was just awful. Stuck in bed, falling asleep at the drop of a hat, and I'm expected to get up out of bed when I can barely move, and be downstairs and do things. Its just not practicle. How can anybody do that? I mean, I was so stiff, it felt paralysing. Yes I do my exerises, but its not like they help or anything, even though my physiotherapist swears by them, and is amazed that I'm still having problems when I see her.

She sees me for 45 minutes or so every 6 weeks or so, and she just doesn't listen. Doesn't understand how I'm struggling and need help, but all I ever get from her is a lecture. Thank god she discharged me, because I honestly hated going, and tried to get out of going as often as possible. 

Anyway, back to today. I read " Make my wish come true" by Fiona Harper, I had never read any of her books before, and I loved it, and read the entire thing in about 8 hours. Its easy to do when you can't do anything.Gotta find something to do, so I read, and I read, and I watch t.v. Simples.

All I want is my life back, but I have no idea how to do that. I'm 22, and I have spent my 20th, 21st and 22nd stuck in bed, and christmas, well 2013 was the best christmas I've had since all this pain. I spent all but 3 hours downstairs with Mum and Dad. I handed out the presents when thats usually Dad's job, and it was great just spending time with them. Christmas 2012 was bad. I slept pretty much through the whole day. Being awake for presents and dinner, and I could still sleep that night. I sleep a lot, I wish I didn't, but I really can't help it. It just happens. I'm awake one minute and out cold the next. So much fun.  Not.

So, there I've rambled and bitched about how sad I am, and how all I want is help to get better. Honestly, I can't think of anything else to type, so I'm leaving it at that.

See ya.