Introduction and 4th January 2014

Well, Happy New Year, to anyone who reads this. I believe this is my first post, which is actually kinda sad, but as its a new year and all, its probably a good thing. Start fresh and that.

Anyway, some background information. I'm Beckie, 22, and I still live at home. Honestly, with what's wrong with me, I wouldn't be able to look after myself. I pretty much have the independence of a 3 year old. I pretty much live in bed, and that will change this year. I'm sick to death of being in that pit. I want my life back so badly.

I have pain, horrible pain in my groin and lower back. I have been diagnosed with Hypermobility with Chronic Pain and Fibromyalgia. I have been told I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome but it hasn't been formally diagnosed.

Anyway, this all started in June 2010, I had a knee operation as I tore the meniscus in my Right Knee. A few weeks after the operation the pain started. I honestly thought it was period pain, and it was the only way I could describe the pain. "It's like period pain, but its not." I mean, what an idiot! I can't believe I described it like that, because its NOTHING like period pain. Doofus.

I love to write, but as I'm on a lot of medication, I've had writers block for some time now. I really miss it, and thought the best way of getting back into it, is by doing a blog, so here I am :)

Throughout this whole thing, my parents have been amazing. We've had out ups and downs, but seriously, I couldn't ask for more from them. They're always there for me, and no matter what, they're there 100% of the way. I've shocked them plenty of times in my teenage years, and thinking back on it now, they never got angry at me for it, like a friend of mine's parents were away for the weekend or something and asked if i could sleep over for the weekend as she didn't wanna be on her own. She had got herself a boyfriend too, so it was the three of us. We had alcohol, and I was 15/16 at the time, and anyway, i accidently slipped when talking to my mum not long after and was just disappointed in me, and my friend as she was older than me. And i think that was worse then her being angry. But its such a teenage thing to do, and I had never gone out drinking with my friends as we lived in the middle of nowhere and i was more focused on my GCSE's than anything else.

Sooo going off topic here.

So, at dinner the other night, my mum and dad were talking saying how I seem to have lost motivation in getting myself sorted, and honestly, I have lost it a bit, but its hard to be motivated when you're in pain and depressed all the time. And I'm really struggling with certain things, like showering, I'm lucky to have a shower once a month quite frankly which is gross, and I hate that I can't go for one whenever I want to. So Dad suggested that I go for a shower for particular things, like I go and wash my hair and then I leave it a few days and go and wash everything else. I struggle standing up for long periods of times, and we can't get a seat in the cubicle as its too small, and I can't get into the bath in my bathroom. So, basically having a shower when i can is all I can do at the moment. So, the next day, I tried it, and just washed my hair, I don't think I have felt that good after a shower since this all started, and I went back to bed to rest for a bit, before going downstairs and spending time with the 'rents. It was a great day, and I had some pain but it wasn't the type that had me pretty much paralysed. I could move and get outta bed and that.

So now its the fourth of January, its 20 minutes to midnight now, and today was another fantastic day. Dad's been ill for the last few days, and it isn't often that he is ill, but when he is, he really is bad and lives in bed, pretty much like me. But anyway, today was different, I don't know why, I had a really shitty night last night and I woke up in pain, but it wasn't as bad as it was the night before. Night time is always worse for me. No matter how bad I am during the day, it is guarranteed to be worse. So yeah, anyway, I wanted to do something crafty, we're a pretty crafty family, my dad did woodworking, and the stuff he made when I was a kid was just amazing. He taught me and my brother how do stuff you would never learn in a Technology lesson at school. Made our own honey dippers and Dad made us a bed each. I loved that bed, but it got way to small for me, so it would be like sitting on a childs seat. Shame, but man it was awesome. *sigh*. My mum and I make cards, I make all my friends birthday and christmas cards, but its gotten to the point that if I make them a card for their birthday and they don't bother sending me one after we've all swapped addresses then I don't bother again. It hurts too much to make the effort and not get anything back. I also make jewellery, knit, cross stitch. I would love to learn to crochet, but I just can't figure it out. My current crafty love is my knitting loom/board. Its just amazing, and its my baby, I got it for my 22nd, and yeah its awesome. I made a scarf in 4 days on the loom, and I had made a scarf using normal knitting needles and it took me 4 months. Its easier and so much quicker, but this isn't a blog about my knitting loom. Maybe on my crafty blog, we'll see =).

So, anyway, I wanted to have a go with the chaine maille set I bought a while back and haven't had a chance to have a go. But I couldn't find it and instead I tided up my box instead. Then, for lunch me n mum watched a few episodes of Criminal Minds. We're on season 2 at the moment. Only another disc to go until season 3 which is where I got up to before I stopped watching it so I could watch it with mum. And then helped mum make dinner. Cottage pie, but we call it sheppards pie in this household. I dunno why, always have done. It was lovely. I did the chopping and put it all together once everything was cooked. I made a checkered pattern on top with a fork. Was soooo goood, had it with sprouts. LUSH! =)

But before dinner I went for a shower, and it was a full one, and I wasn't in agony and paralysed afterwards. I even had dinner downstairs, when I was sure I'd have it in bed. It was fantastic! I love doing stuff like that. I might pour with sweat from the morphine and that, but it was the best day I've had this year. My last best day was Christmas day.

Been in bed since dinner though and watched a few Law and Order episodes, on season 13 now. Its the original one. I love Lenny Briscoe. Just want to hug him. LOL. I have a lot of DVDs, and books. I love to read too, I have 3 ereaders, 2 kindles and an ereader I got for £1 from some offer online. I needed something for all my mobi files. And I didn't want to overload my kindles when they're full as it is. I have 2 bookcases, one with 2 shelves, and my tv ontop and another full size one, I have books all over my room, under my bed, and inside my wardrobe, and I'm still putting some on the family bookcase in the 3rd bedroom! I need to go through them all, but I really don't want too. I love my books. But, I keep being told not to buy anymore as there isn't anywhere to put them. I blame it all on my discovery of www.awesomebooks.com. Cheap used books. Hardbacks for £2.75 or so, so cheap!

Anyway, I'm off to get some sleep. I'm knackered after my unusually full day. If anyone is reading this, have a good night.

If I can help anyone who is going through something similar then its all worth it. I'm writing about what I'm experincing and how I'm overcoming the pain. You never know, it might end up as a book one day. If you are going through something similar, please get in contact, maybe we can support each other back to recovery.